A Lesson I Relearned Thanks To Housework: Finding Joy Through Gratitude

While washing kitchen counters today, a memory from high school resurfaced in which I casually said “Hi! How are ya?” to a fellow student as I walked into my high school.  I did not know this boy.  He was my age, but we had never interacted.  I knew some of his friends though and had seen him around frequently.  As I passed, not waiting for a response, he muttered something like “terrible.”  This is a moment that will always live in my memory.  I had been using the phrase “How are ya?” like a simple greeting rather than the actual question that it is.  I wasn’t waiting for a response, and I heard his response as I walked through the doors.  I can’t remember whether or not I went back to offer some support.  I sure hope I did, but this experience lives with me as a reminder to always be invested in those around us.  Look for heads that hang down.  Do what you can to lift them up.  And when you ask “How are you?,” expect an honest response and be prepared to offer support.  

Anyway, as I was remembering this experience while washing my counters, my mind wandered to what I may have said to that young man.  For some odd reason, the first thing that came to my mind was, “You know, it can always get worse, so enjoy the good you have.”  Ha!  Now that’s reassuring, isn’t it?  (P.S. I would never actually say that to someone who was struggling.)  It’s kind of the antithesis of hope, but I think it can offer a decent perspective.  I suppose the good in a statement like that comes from the principle of gratitude.  We feel better when we are grateful.  Everything can be going wrong in our lives, but if we choose to find something, anything to be grateful for, we will find hope and at least the beginnings of happiness.  And when we choose to consistently focus on what we are grateful for, we will find joy.  Gratitude leads us to God.  He gives us the ultimate hope.  No matter the pain we suffer or need to endure, it will all be made up.  

Recently, a friend of mine shared her experience with infertility.  She struggled to conceive for 9 years before adopting her first child.  A number of years later, she and her husband were able to adopt a second child.  And surprisingly, 16 years into their struggle to conceive, she became pregnant after a thyroid surgery.  As she related the heartache she experienced throughout those years, she said she wished she could have gone back in time to tell her younger self what she would have today.  I don’t recall what she said after, but the implication was that knowing that she would one day have children of her own would have brought her greater strength, hope, and joy during the time of trial.  I think this idea of perspective can have an especially healing influence on our souls when we realize that we have all received such promises from God.  He has promised the faithful all that He has.  All the blessings that our righteous desires could hope for will be ours if we will be faithful.  If only our future, eternal selves could come sit down with us right now and tell us of the blessings to come...I think we would "gird up [our] loins, fresh courage take" and “submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord” (Mosiah 24:15).  We are here to be tested and tried.  It feels long and it is hard.  But, one day, it will be over.  We will look back on it and see a relatively minute time period in our eternal lives and likely wonder why we didn’t simply trust and choose joy knowing we were in the hands of a loving Father in Heaven who had our eternal best interests at heart and who would in every way make up for the pain and difficulty through eternal and everlasting blessings of joy and peace and family.

Today I learned that I miscarried.  I was 7 weeks 5 days pregnant.  We were so excited to have a new family member join us!  But, I am okay.  I know God loves us and knows us.  I know He has a plan.  I know His plan is always better than my plan...after all, He can see the end from the beginning and everything in between and He loves me (and you) perfectly.  I can spend time dwelling and crying and hurting (and I have done some of that---grieving for a time is part of the healing process) or I can spend my time being thankful for what I do have and for the blessings that I know are to come.  I choose the latter; that is the state in which I choose to live.  That is the state of being where joy is found and “men are, that they might have joy” (2 Nephi 2:25), so that is what I will pursue.  I am thankful for the principle of gratitude and for the immediate joy it brings.  “Count your many blessings, name them one by one, and it will surprise you what the Lord has done.”  We are all blessed.  Joy is as close as the blessings we recognize and focus on.  And in moments where we feel it hard to count blessings, one stands supreme that can make up for all we feel we lack, the atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ.  All will be made up to us in time.  Stay faithful.  Trust.  He will come through on His promises.